"How To Respond When Insulted" or "I Really Thought I Was Being Nice"
So my husband and I are on OKCupid dating site. This because he is a very social person who is always looking for new people to tell stories to, and I will not be outdone. I have no interest in meeting or hooking up with anyone. Ever. But, not for the reasons you might think. I know my husband isn't going to cheat on me & has no plans to. He is very open about being happily married & that he plans to stay that way. I keep an eye on him because it's my job to do so. We mainly use it to send dirty messages to each other & act like we're single & trying to hook up with each other. I don't know why, but it makes us laugh.
Anyway, last night, I received the following email:
Hello!
I'm a 29 year-old married (Insert Race Here) guy from (Town Withheld) , MA and work near (A Different Town Withheld), MA. I'm an educated, sane, clean working professional looking for a stable discreet nsa (Ron had to explain that this meant "No Strings Attached") with a married woman of your age. I'm hoping you would be open to something similar ;-). Again - not looking for a one time thing but something stable where we can meet as and when our schedules permit.
I'm looking to do this for the first time and I'm drug and disease free, non-smoker guy.
I have been with a woman of your age before I got married and ever since then have been craving for more. If you are interested, please reply back so we can chat, get to know each other, share pics and take it from there.
I hope to hear from you soon!
Cheers!
(First Name Only Withheld)
I spent the night thinking about if I should reply & if so, then how. I showed the email to Ron this morning and told him that I didn't want to be mean,
buuutttttt.......... it begs for a direct, honest, straightforward response. He told me that I did not receive this email at work and that therefore, I did not have to be nice if I didn't want to be. He went on to say, that I should in fact, have an outlet where I didn't have to be nice at all and that I could just be myself & let it all fly. So, I took his advice and this is how I responded:
Dear (Name Withheld),
You should probably know, that the quickest way to insult a woman my age is to say that you're attracted to women my age. This is inappropriate to say to a woman of any age, weather she's 19 or 59. A woman wants to be loved for who she is, not for her age.
I'm pretty sure that the letter you sent is a form letter that you send to every woman within your desired age bracket, and I'm also equally sure, you've had little success with it.
The reasons for that are as I mentioned above, as well as the fact that it's obvious you gave no attention to my profile, nor have you provided me with any good reason I should be interested in you.
Also, please allow me to be frank, your letter comes across as creepy and perverted which is not something a woman my age finds desirable. Being sane and disease-free are not things that make a man attractive. These are not perks, they are requirements that should go without having to be stated.
Further more, I am not interested in having a discrete relationship with another man. If you had looked closely at my profile, you would have noticed that I have listed myself as married and looking for friends only.
I hope that you take this as a learning experience and wish you luck in your future endeavors.
I showed this to Ron before I sent it & asked his oppinon. I told him that I decided to take the middle road, and give a heartfelt but direct answer, without being cruel.
When he was done reading it, he cackled like a hyena and said that is in no way the 'middle road' and is totally cruel, but deservedly so. He said I sound like Maude Lebowski & that wasn't a bad thing.
Clearly, I have a problem & it's that my heart is made of ice, apparently.
